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I used to be a prolific writer, where did I go wrong?
Sadly, I spend yet another day staring out my window, gazing wistfully into the distance.
In my head, I am writing best-selling short stories and award-wining articles, fantasising about the gripping articles I am born to write. The image of my Mountblanc fountain pen flowing smoothly across brilliant, starched white paper, as once gain I unleash a plethora of expressive, articulate and engaging narrative.
Sigh! My writing life didn't always reside in my head. Up to my teens I used to write profusely and eloquently, words rushing out of my mind and freely flowing onto paper.
Those days, even with sports and friends, I seemed to find the time, perhaps it was youthful exuberance that kept my mind focused.
I read widely and wrote every day, I was relentless; penning widely creative stories about my life and my few experiences. Everything and everyone around, inspired me to create fictional and non-fictional stories, capturing all I saw, heard, touched, smelt and tasted. These powerful narratives provided me with the sweet taste of success and recognition as regularly won school and local writing awards.
Oh the joy of recognition; I was on top of the world with nothing to hold me back.
My dream was to retire to the country or beside the sea, sitting in my garden with the sun on my face, I would focus on my writing goals, and write and write until my brain hurt, my fingers bled and my bank account was overflowing.
However, like many young and popular women, my twenties provided financial freedom and life for the living. I decided to take a break, place my writing career on pause. Every day was exciting and too short, no time to write about it, too busy having fun.
Then it was time to knuckle down and build a career, as the reality dawned that bills had to be paid, including large credit card balances. The time for fun over, but again no space to write for pleasure. Instead the only writing I was engaged in was for business, reports, presentations and emails, more brevity and no creativity.
Today, many years later I find myself giving into to my desire to rekindle the writer within, to write anything but business-speak. Yet each day, suffocated by the daily grind of life, while my imagination runs unchecked, my word document remains blank.
So what do I do? Do I sit staring at my laptop screen typing rubbish or do I use up every excuse in the book to explain my non-writing?
You guessed it, instead of motivating myself to write with newly found intensity and passion, I perfect my procrastination skills, making writing avoidance a daily task. Each day I procrastinate with passion, telling myself, what I am doing is totally rational and justifiable.
I don't start the day with that in mind. Oh no! I wake with the intention to write about intriguing subjects, about my travels, about the people I have; but then the business of life starts and everything else becomes a priority.
Over the years I have perfected some distraction techniques and diversion tactics, such as filing my books by size, sorting my make-up into pretty bags and containers, and clearing out watched programmes from my Sky plus hard drive. But my particular favourite is preparing a creative shopping list, using all manner of adjectives to describe mundane items like baked beans.
Pretty soon the day has passed with very little writing done, and a familiar sadness sneaks up on me suggesting once again I have let myself down. But being the poitive person I am, I promise myself the next day will be different.
Spare me your scathing looks, yes my imagination is not that tired, I can see you.
In my defence, my procrastination activities always seem perfectly viable at the time; but on reflection I know they are simply excuses to delay the critical evaluation of myself and my abilities.
That's what's it really about, the fear of finding out that my best writing days could possibly be well behind me.
Now, I have read widely on this subject, another procrastination activity, so I know I need to create a strategy for beating the fear and getting back on the writing wagon again.
So, today, is the day for no more excuses, it's high time I felt the fear and write it anyway.
How about you what is stopping you from writing and what are your strategies for dealing with procrastination?
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